i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
