He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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