You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
