She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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