absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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