whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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