We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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