Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
