I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
