He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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