By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
