im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
