We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
