the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
