i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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