Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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