he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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