Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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