i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
