taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
