My room smells like vodka and shame
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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