Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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