You smell like stripper and shame
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
