whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You had me at "let me see your balls"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
