I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
