I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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