Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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