quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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