I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
