Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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