I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
