k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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