i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're a disaster
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