After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
