***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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