We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
