I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
