I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
