Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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