What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
