mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
