I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize