your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
