Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We got so high we made milksteak
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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