Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
