How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
