Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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