Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize