Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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