You're completely useless in the revolution.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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