ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
