Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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