So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
