So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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