did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
