Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize