I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
