don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
