I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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