Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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