We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
