Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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