dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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