just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
