so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
