I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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