I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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