this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
