i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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