There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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