would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
only you would photoshop your dick
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
