fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They are going to name an STD after you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
