Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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