I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
