I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
