If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sorry about my life...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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