I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
