For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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