youre lurking in front of me
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
