Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
