I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
