The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
