i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
