Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
