First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
