How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
