ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
