you didnt know i had herpes?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
