Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
someone owes me an orgasm
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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