The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
