Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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