You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
